MonkeyGirl, Buy Some Vodka!

(Disclaimer: I don't know if any of these "remedies" work. I've not tried them. I just received them via email today from a friend and they seemed worthy of sharing. If you've tried any of them or happen to try them, I'd love to know what your results were like. And what brand and proof of vodka you used.)

Earlier this month, the MonkeyGirl shared a tale of a dreadful week, a week that ended with the Monkeygirls being out of vodka. (The post title still amuses me.) So it was funny when, while going through this morning's emails, an email titled "Vodka" was in my inbox. The email contained a total of 15 things to do with vodka, other than drinking it. The stuff in parentheses are my thoughts.

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive. (I'm sure drinking a shot before you remove it couldn't hurt either.)



2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean . The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew. (Ewww! Gruesome, gross bathroomy germs! Another shot should kill the ones that may have jumped on you during your cleaning.)



3. To clean your glasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka . The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.



4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.



5. Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry. (This sounds like a waste of good alcohol on two levels. I say, slurp up the wine when you spill it!)



6. Apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores . (Cheaper than Botox! And they say drinking ages you. Well, what do they know?)



7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp,removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair. (I can't help but wonder how this would affect brain activity much less a breathalyzer.)



8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them. (Or at the very least, get them drunk enough to not sting you.)



9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes. (I'm thinking you could add lemonade and simultaneously put it on the sore spot AND stick a straw in the bag...)



10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains. (This is too much like cooking for me.)



11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.



12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.



13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting. (That happens to me all the time!)



14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.



15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain. (At that point, just drink some already!)

Aren't these great justification for that bottle of vodka you know you've been wanting/meaning to buy? Need some help buying a good vodka? Here's some recommendations.

And, after all, it is Friday ...

Introducing … Chirping Monkeys

No, you didn’t read it wrong. And no, I did not start a garage band in my spare time. But I did help nudge the birth of a blogger. Chirping Monkeys is the brainchild of Most Excellent Friend Chele, sometimes known as MonkeyGirl. You’ve seen me post about her and if you read my posts’ comments, you’ve no doubt seen her there, too.

Apparently, she’s been coveting This D*mn House (the blog, not the house – she has a perfectly wonderful house, complete with inground pool) as I learned in her initial post. And based on her most recent post, she could qualify for Houseblogger status! Like me, she had to warm up to the idea of hitting publish once she’d started the blog, and then to even telling anyone of its existence.

Unlike me, she didn’t wait almost a year to do it! She “officially launched” today. (I felt particularly honored because she sent me an email on my birthday almost two weeks ago to tell me that she’d started it. Does that mean I’m its godmother?)

She’s a talented and creative gal, afflicted with the same adult ADD that often sends me bouncing like a pinball. And, she's a camera-slingin’ stepmama who just got her Nikon (BabyNik) returned to its holster. So I’m looking forward to seeing some interesting imagery along with the amusing commentary. (And you know you are, too. How can you not visit a site with a name like Chirping Monkeys?)

You see, MonkeyGirl and I go back, waaay back. (Or at least as far back as a couple of 29-year-olds can. Ha!) She is one of my Circle of Eight from high school. And while we were always close as kids, and then through college, I think we’ve grown much closer as adults. (Or at least for two women who try to pass as adults on a daily basis. I think we both have two 17-year-olds living just below the surface who never fail to leap into action when we’re together. It seems to be something about that particular circle that brings it out in all of us.)

So close that I was maid of honor for her and Mr. MonkeyGirl’s nuptials a few years ago. So close that we now jokingly refer to our collective sensibilities as “the brain” since we so frequently share thoughts and build on one another’s ideas. (Some of this communal brain has been extended to our scrapbooking contingent. You can always tell who controls it by the sheer volume of pages they complete or by the creativity present within the pages.) It’s a soul sistah-hood.

In early 1998, she introduced me to scrapbooking. It’s an interest we share that brought along some excellent side benefits: more wonderful new friends and a stream of pictures and stories that can keep me laughing for days.

So 10 years later, I've attempted to return the favor with something I hope will have a similar effect. Welcome to the Blogosphere, my friend!