Friday, October 17, 2008

MonkeyGirl, Buy Some Vodka!

(Disclaimer: I don't know if any of these "remedies" work. I've not tried them. I just received them via email today from a friend and they seemed worthy of sharing. If you've tried any of them or happen to try them, I'd love to know what your results were like. And what brand and proof of vodka you used.)

Earlier this month, the MonkeyGirl shared a tale of a dreadful week, a week that ended with the Monkeygirls being out of vodka. (The post title still amuses me.) So it was funny when, while going through this morning's emails, an email titled "Vodka" was in my inbox. The email contained a total of 15 things to do with vodka, other than drinking it. The stuff in parentheses are my thoughts.

  1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The stuff dissolves adhesive. (I'm sure drinking a shot before you remove it couldn't hurt either.)

  2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean . The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew. (Ewww! Gruesome, gross bathroomy germs! Another shot should kill the ones that may have jumped on you during your cleaning.)

  3. To clean your glasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka . The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

  4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

  5. Spray vodka on wine stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry. (This sounds like a waste of good alcohol on two levels. I say, slurp up the wine when you spill it!)

  6. Apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores . (Cheaper than Botox! And they say drinking ages you. Well, what do they know?)

  7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp,removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair. (I can't help but wonder how this would affect brain activity much less a breathalyzer.)

  8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them. (Or at the very least, get them drunk enough to not sting you.)

  9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes. (I'm thinking you could add lemonade and simultaneously put it on the sore spot AND stick a straw in the bag...)

  10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains. (This is too much like cooking for me.)

  11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

  12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

  13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting. (That happens to me all the time!)

  14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.

  15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain. (At that point, just drink some already!)

Aren't these great justification for that bottle of vodka you know you've been wanting/meaning to buy? Need some help buying a good vodka? Here's some recommendations.

And, after all, it is Friday ...


Ann said...

WOW, Vodka reminds me oddly of duct tape, but MUCH tastier.

MonkeyGirl said...

And Vodka is much cheaper than botox!

Vicki said...

No, ocifer, I wasn't drinking...I wash my hair with vodka; rub it all over my body because I ache everywhere from jelly fish stings and poison ivy; clean my glasses with it; and use it as a fabric softener for my clothes. Why would you think I had been drinking? :)

NV said...

Vodka -- it's not just for breakfast anymore! :-)

(I can't imagine drinking at breakfast.)

Liz said...

And I thought it was just good for drinking! I have so much left to learn...

Karen Anne said...

No killing bees! They're dying off already, and what will we do without pollinators?

NV said...

Liz -- Glad I could educate you!

Karen Anne -- Welcome! No, you have no idea how hard it's been to not smack some bees recently. They've been in my face. Landing on me. In my paint.

The last straw was while I was on the roof and THREE of them saw fit to dive bomb me. I exercised much restraint, believe me.

Anonymous said...