‘Pimped’ – The Final Episode

In all the chaos that was Project Genesis, I realize I never did share with you the right proper pimpin’ that Lawrence did to literally top off all my work on the storage shed. So, without further ado, here’s another (and hopefully final) installment of “Pimp My Shed.”

We’ll start off with a recap. You may recall the saga of the storage shed that started last fall. I managed to get the inside shored up with new framing and plywood walls and did the same thing for the outside rear of the structure. We even got the backside painted. But then that’s where work stopped. Until this spring.

I spent some vacation time siding the outer walls. (Thanks to my fab friends CD and the MonkeyGirl, I was able to bring home most of the PVC vinyl boards I needed to complete the residing job.) This is what the shed looked like back in April.

Then, I got it to this point – completely sided – and the mother came behind me and painted. After that, I added the trim. (Crappy, but it’s white, it’s fastened, and it keeps the water away from the trim gaps!) That was at the end of July.

Then, while I was up to my eyeballs with Genesis, I had Lawrence apply the finishing touches – the special order vinyl scallop siding is now all used. We had just enough! (This matches the scallops on the front of the house – over the porch – and on both sides. That's the job these few sheets were left from.)

And there you have it, my completely pimped-out shed. It’s still a little rough (Lawrence did a lousy caulk job) and I have some screwheads to paint over, but … it’s done! You know, I think this is going on my list of projects to enter in that contest!

Home Depot Freak Show

Hey, kids! Do you know what today's secret word is? It's rude! That's right, R-U-D-E. As in low-lifes with no basic sense of manners.

I went to Home Depot earlier as planned. My boards for the shed were there. (Brian in millwork can now rest easy.) As it turns out, I only needed five of them. That's because I did some replanning on the fly -- and saved myself well over $100 in the process.

I knew it was going to need a cart but I didn't want one of the flat carts that I used so much last year to haul sand, rock, and bricks. No, I wanted what I call a panel cart, with the dividers and the little risers you can lay boards on. They were pretty hard to come by. I found one though and had it with me as I looked at vinyl boards. It attempted to leave me three times in less than five minutes.

It was empty beside me while I tried to calculate how many boards to buy. Guy #1 casually strolls up and begins walking away with it. "Excuse me," says I. "That's my cart." He didn't even bother to push it back, left it halfway down the aisle. Jerk.

Guy #2 appeared just as I had the number arrived at and had determined there were enough boards on the shelf. I had turned around to set my piece of paper down when the cart began to move. It was SO close to me it even brushed my hip. This time I wasn't polite. "Hey, that's MY cart." I grabbed it as it rolled past me. The guy was visibly p*ssed and stormed off.

I pushed the cart to the edge of the vinyl board display, had both hands on a board and was turning to put it on the cart, when it began to ROLL AWAY again! This time I threw a foot on the edge, flipping one side off the ground slightly. The culprit stopped in his tracks. He had the gall to give me a dirty look and then walked away. Three times in under five minutes and at no time did anyone apologize or say anything at all for that matter.

Did people get an extra helping of rude at breakfast today? Sheesh.

Then, I got the extra added bonus of being the spectacle of choice under the contractor's canopy. That's because I defied all logic and some passersby by successfully loading 15 eight-foot 1x6 boards and 5 seven-footers of the same dimensions into Ladybird.
This is starting to be
too common of a thing for me. Maybe I should do a little marketing and sell tickets? I mean, if I am going to be looked upon like a circus act, why not?

I learned that I CAN fit multiple 8-footers in the car. I wasn't sure I could, but I was willing to give it a try. That's a good thing considering that Home Depot wouldn't cut these boards because they're PVC.

That brings me to how I saved the money. The ideal height of the boards I need would be 7.5 feet. That would yield me two pieces for the side of the shed per board. Unfortunately, the 7 footers wouldn't do. When I came across the 8-footers, which are essentially the NoRot boards I have used for trim pieces before, I was thrilled. So instead of buying and wasting seven footers, I spent about $6 more per board to yield two pieces each.

And you thought my skills were limited to loading.

So while my amazing feat of jamming a whole lot of boards into a passenger car was under way, there were two guys having a conversation about 10 feet away. When one of the guys started to walk into the store after snuffing out his cigarette, his companion grabbed his arm. "Wait," I heard him attempt to whisper. " I gotta see this."

Well, just so I don't disappoint you ...

The most amazing feat of all though is yet to be accomplished: Getting them out of the car AND, this is the ultra-tricky part, finding somewhere to store them.

It's a Spring Thing

There’s a crescent moon perched high in the sky yet the birds are chirping with such a ferocity – even in the pre-dawn light – that it can mean only one thing: spring is here!

Ole Man Winter is going out kicking and screaming, having taken us down into the 30s overnight. I had to drag out earwraps and gloves again. Here’s hoping that we’re finished with those days for now.

With the arrival of spring, I think the first outdoor project for the year has been identified: Pimp My Shed, Part 2. Remember how I did the back of the shed last year? Well, looks like I’ll be finishing the front (which I put a board on each side on last year) and doing both sides to finish things up.

The front will require some angle cuts because it slopes, but the sides are straight. I wonder if it’s possible to get two boards from one cut as it’s not very tall. Hmmm … need to get the ole tape measure out. And need to get the boards and screws to do this job this weekend as I’ve got a Home Depot offer that’s about to expire. They’re not nearly as generous as Lowe’s in extending those, so I can’t let it go to waste.

I won’t be able to start the job this weekend though. No. It’s going to rain – and they’re already forecasting rain for several days thereafter, including the possibility of severe weather on Tuesday. But, at least I’m planning again. That’s always the first step, right? And I’ve got 20 days of time off to schedule this year …

Let’s get this party started!

The Side Project

If you saw yesterday’s posts, then you’ve no doubt seen the newly-pimped shed. So you’re familiar with the lattice.

That part of the design – which, for the record, I was unable to visualize until I tacked the sucker up there to measure before cutting it – was the mother’s idea. I think it turned out quite nicely. The lattice was purchased in a 4x8 sheet, a sheet that, because it’s vinyl, we were able to bend up enough to jam in the back of CD’s SUV and just over the top of her 5-year-old’s head.

Earlier this month, the mother helped me hold the lattice while I cut it. Being vinyl, it’s slick. While not all that light, it’s too light to survive the constant motion of a jigsaw without an extra pair of hands to hold it down.

I should have seen the wheels turning then, but I didn’t.

It should have come then as no surprise to me as when I was cleaning up that evening, the mother’s attention quickly turned to the almost 2-foot by 3-foot scrap. “What are you doing with that?” she queried. “Aren’t you supposed to have used it somewhere?”

Nope. It’s just scrap. I was about to ask you if you wanted it for anything. Seems a shame to throw it out though. I must be some kind of moron. There was her point of entry.

To which the mother responded with the four words that when, issued consecutively from her mouth, strike fear in my soul: “I’ve got an idea.”

Hey, no fair! You know you’re supposed to give me at least a 10-minute warning before using that phrase so I can pack! Too late.

So exactly what do you do with a relatively small piece of vinyl lattice and the scraps of a wide piece of composite lattice strip? (That’s what those white strips are on either side of the lattice, framing it against the back of the shed.) You have to first buy another lattice strip. (At Lowe’s. From the same end cap where I bought the PVC vinyl boards for the shed surface.) Then, you can do this:

Once you’ve managed to miter the strips with their corners almost meeting perfectly, then you cobble it all together with very tiny screws. (I think I used 4x3/8 or maybe it was 6. They’re very small and hard to hang onto in any case!) I put my new clamps to good use holding it all in place to make sure that it fit and then once I determined it did, to assemble it.

And once you’ve done all that, your side project – aptly named – can be displayed on the side of the shed. Like this:
The mother liked it well enough. In fact, her response was: “I wish you had some more left – so you could do one for the other side.”

Uh-huh.

At Last, A Pimped Shed!

Well, the shed is officially "pimped." I caulked the trim yesterday, finished a little project tied to it (for another post) and the mother will be touching up with paint today.

MG and CD -- Remember all those vinyl PVC boards you hauled to This D*mn House? Well, they're all up! Remember that ugly puckered spot on the left back corner? (In case you don't, here's a before shot.)
Well, I hope that even having a huge piece of vinyl lattice hanging over CD's 5-year-old's head seems worth it when you see this.

It's not a tiki bar (dammit!), but with any luck, it will still be standing this time next year and not crumbling.

The total cost was a little over $300 -- and that included putting a vinyl board on each side of the front of the shed where the walls were in particularly bad shape.

Based on this, it would seem that "Pimp My Shed" is not canceled, but merely on hiatus ... with a new season starting next spring.

The Wrong Color

The poor mother.

She painted the sides of the shed last weekend while I worked on the back. She got one side done when we realized she was using OLD paint. A much lighter shade of gray like the house used to be. I went downstairs and got the remainder of house paint we had on the shelf. She started painting AGAIN.

She didn't have enough, so part of last weekend's Hardware Heaven trip was buying more paint. OK. Full gallon. Good to go. No problem.

We both noticed that something seemed wrong when I started painting the back of the shed that is being covered with lattice.

"That's too dark," says the mother. "You bought the wrong paint."

Did not. Took the label right off the old can and plunked it down on the counter when I bought it. I always do this because it seems to avoid confusion and limit trouble as the person in the paint department on any given day may or may not know what the hell they are doing.

She started painting AGAIN using the new can. At least now, it all matched.

When the paint finally dried, I could deny no longer that something was wrong. I looked at the shed. The house. The shed. The house. Yeah, something is not right.

I went to get the original can. Sure enough, the labels matched. But, not on the label, but on the CAN. it said PASTEL BASE. On the can I had just bought, ACCENT BASE. Uh-oh.

This was confirmed, recognized, and corrected last night. I was given a free gallon of the WRONG color (this time on purpose) last night. The paint kid recognized the problem right away.

All that's left paint-wise on the shed is the trim I'm putting up today and a few other spots that need some touch-up. I'm not going to make the mother repaint it AGAIN. The differences are subtle, but they're different enough that if I had bought the paint in question to TOUCH UP THE HOUSE and had put that color all over the house I just painted last year, TWICE ... that paint department would be in pieces.

So, off I go to start what I HOPE is the final act for Pimp My Shed. I had a change of plans on some of the trim. It would be so wonderful to wrap this project up today. Cross your fingers that it works ...

Disasters in Pimping

Work began in earnest on Pimp My Shed over the weekend, but the path was fraught with obstacles.

The first challenge was in putting up some framing for the plywood. The problem that started this project, the failing left side, doesn’t provide a lot of options for attaching boards to. I worked around this as best as I could and got almost all of the plywood up on Saturday.

Yesterday’s task was to replace the corners and start getting up the PVC strips. The corners are usually replaced every couple years. I’m not sure when I last did this though. In taking the old ones off, I discovered that a lot of the wood underneath was rotted out. So a job that normally takes an hour total, ended up taking most of the afternoon.

Remember when I was saying a few posts back about I have trouble visualizing? Well this came into play in a big way. I couldn’t see how to fix the problem until I was knee-deep in it. This meant that I had to stop and head to Hardware Heaven yet again on Sunday afternoon. (After having been there both Friday and Saturday nights, I don’t think they’ll be reporting me missing anytime soon. Especially considering that the kid in the paint department at Home Depot looked up at me yesterday and quipped, “Are you back already?”)

In a race against the clock, I got about half the boards up and was still putting stuff away in the dark. I HATE these shorter days. The sun shouldn't start going down before 7 p.m. -- ever.

As it often is with scrapbooking, I was just hitting stride when I had to stop. And while I managed to get the front yard cut on Saturday, I didn’t even get the lawnmower out yesterday to take on the back. And that has got to get done soon. It really is starting to look like a jungle out there!

Maybe one night this week ...

Feels Like Fall

Summer must have its bags packed and sitting near the door, ready to make a quick exit at anytime. It’s downright chilly this morning (just under 50 degrees). Brr. We’ll see only 65 today. Nice, but definitely below average for this time of year.

It would appear that the driveway survived the rain from the start of the week, though I’m still going to wait until tomorrow (one more day of sunshine and air-drying) before I put the car back on it. Here’s hoping that it really is OK. It was waaaay too much work to have it all come sliding off on me!

It’s supposed to stay dry and get progressively warmer as the week wears on which is good news as I need to 1) cut the yard and 2) get going on Pimp My Shed. That will be this weekend’s big projects. They aren’t predicting rain again until late Monday night which I hope is correct. Son of Lawnmower Man is coming sometime Monday to dig out the remaining shrubs from hell and relocate them to their new homes. Yay! That means that once I add the finials to the new porch railing we will just have to put down more rock, set up the brick squares that the mother wants where each of the shrubs used to be, and put flower pots in place. Finally, the front of the house will be done!

Well, except for all that damn gingerbread I get to put up. But that should be easy compared to all the other jobs I’ve done so far.

I had hoped to get to clean the porch and walkway with muriatic acid and seal it. We’ll see if the weather holds out long enough for me to get to that. I do have to put those last few bricks in place on the side of the porch and I’ve got to add mortar to some of the joints or I don’t think they’ll survive the winter. I have to find time to get that done because it would really suck to have a number of bricks either cracked or popped out of place come spring.

So you'd think after a long, busy summer, followed by what will be a busy fall, that I'd get to hibernate for the winter. Think again. We'll just move the work indoors ...