Sunday, October 5, 2008

Say It With Flowers

OK. So back to the shock. I've had my share of approaches, and heard plenty of come-ons in my day, but this is by far the weirdest of all.

First, this is not the crazy man who kept showing up earlier this summer. (He could be crazy for all I know, but it's not that one. And it's not the same neighbor.)

It's certainly different, definitely sweet, but also mildly creepy. I mean how often do you get six long-stem red roses -- in a beautiful arrangement--with a card attached from a complete stranger? And one stalking you in your driveway at that? I have to say this is a first.

The card is a Hallmark square, blank inside. (Bonus for Hallmark.) On the outside, it just says HOWDY, with little stars accenting the O and the D. (Howdy? Seriously.)
The card starts out:

To the lovely young lady ... (Bonus for use of of young and lady.) Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is .... I saw you sealing your driveway on Saturday afternoon. I am an acquaintance of your neighbor... I am asking for an opportunity to meet you at an appropriate time and place.

OK. Isn't that a little creepy? C'mon, you know it is. I mean I'm working in my yard in an obnoxiously purple T-shirt and black shorts which were, admittedly, shorter than I normally wear. (MonkeyGirl says the shorts did it. She may be right.) The clothing choice was deliberate only in that it was things I would be THROWING OUT after the job was done. But they weren't that short.

Use of howdy and the neighbor in question are neither strong recommendations. I'll give him that he said acquaintance and not lifelong friend. And the fact that he can use three-syllable words puts him well ahead of said neighbor. Said neighbor is also not overly bright or overly ambitious and the way he treats his girlfriend, who's a sweet gal ... well, let's just say I hope it's not birds of a feather.

MonkeyGirl aptly noted that flower-sender might be looking for a hard-working woman to do stuff while he drinks beer and chats with his buddies. Oh yeah. THAT is exactly the kind of man I want. Exactly. *extreme sarcasm*

Flower-sender's handwriting is very hard to read. (The mother said it's worse than hers, and hers is tough.) But I see no phone number. No email address. But the card goes on: I may be contacted by mail on the return address corner of the envelope.

Um, yeah. OK. BY MAIL? I guess he's in no hurry. And how old IS this guy? No phone? Doesn't he use "the email?" Technology, dude. Technology. Sheesh. (The neighbor is late 50s, so makes me wonder.)

So I guess I have a card to write. But what the hell am I supposed to say? Like I said, I couldn't make this stuff up.

Guess it will give me something to ponder while I continue with Pimp My Shed today.


Dee said...

bwahahaha - yes, creepy. But I have to point out that he used a FIVE-syllable word in that quaint communique. And he did try to go through some sort of etiquette rather than just barging up and saying, "Hey there, little lady, wouldn't it be easier if you just paid somebody to do that?"

Red roses, though - Miss Manners disapproves. *looking over glasses with raised eyebrows* Flower language: passion. Not at all appropriate, no matter HOW short the shorts were.

There was a guy on who advertised, "Do you own a washing machine?" among other things. I replied, "Yes, I own a washing machine, and I've been dying to meet a man who knows how to use it!" He didn't reply. There ARE men ... well, we all know.

Good luck in the pursuit between hot asphalt and red roses! I won't ask, "How bad can it be?" I already know ...

MonkeyGirl said...

You have to look at the bright side...

Bad handwriting - could be a doctor?
Lack of monosyllabic language - some education stuck with him all these years
Red Roses - while creepy, he at least has some cash in his pocket
No in person introduction - he is actively stalking you!
No technology - well, I can't think of a bright side to that one, maybe you would have to teach him how to use the tv, vcr, e-mail...

Never mind, it isn't worth it!

NV said...

Dee -- All very true. (Laughing about washing machine.)

No pursuit on my part anyway. :-)

Ty'sMommy said...

LOL I just don't even know what to say about that. Hey, really though, you never know, you could give him the benefit of the doubt. But the MAIL things makes me wonder a bit...I mean, I can understand not having email. I don't have it at home, either, but, no phone? Hmmm.

I'm Just a Girl said...

Pardon the romantic side of my personality, but I think it's charming that he sent a card (the red roses, not so much) and asked to be contacted in return by mail. Seems to me that he's trying to be a gentleman, of course, he could also be a serial killer. :D

Ann said...

Ok, hmm. No EMAIL???? Come on, man. Contact by mail? What the hell is mail nowadays anyways?

On one hand, it's all very charming - but to leave you only the mail option? I don't get that at all...

Vicki said...

From what it he wrote it does make him sound older. Or a conspiracy theorist and therefore he doesn't have email or use a computer...or use a phone for that matter. Hmmm.

Have you googled his name? Maybe you'll find it on the Bocci Ball Players Club or America's Most Wanted.

Hopefully he's just painfully shy and completely normal in all other respects. What are you going to do?!?!

NV said...

@ty'smom -- That's what is throwing me, too. And it can't be because he's afraid I might stalk him. He gave me his ADDRESS. You can always change your phone number. Addresses are a little trickier ...

Justagirl -- Thanks for that pleasant thought. :-)

Ann -- I know! I'm just confounded by that. Maybe he is closer to the mother's age and just technologically challenged. (Not that all seniors are.)

V -- I did do a Google search. Oddly enough, there are multiple people with that name, though it's hardly common. I think I ID'd the right one though and from that, not much info at all.

StuccoHouse said...

He had the guts to make a move. We women always complain that men never make a gesture. Give him a try. Who knows. Maybe he's going to do his driveway soon and is looking for tips :-) He may be awful, but then look at it as a very amusing post material. He can't be any worse than the Pest Guy who asked me out last summer - and then refused to remove the dead squirrel when I told him no. said...

Odd - but aren't most men? Play it safe, drinks/coffee in a public place.

NV said...

Stucco -- That's too funny. The Pest Guy leaving you a dead squirrel.

Upstate -- No worries. No out-of-the-way meeting spots.

Karen Anne said...

I'm late to this post, but the squirrel made me remember when I was much younger, and the gas company guy came out to supposedly turn on the gas to the appliances at the house I'd just bought.

Except he wouldn't go into the crawl space to get to the gas floor heater, so I had to do that.

Then when he was inside the house and saw that it was pretty nice, suddenly I became an interesting woman and our hero asked me out :-) Not a chance.

Anonymous said...