Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Mother Goes Charles Bronson

The mother called me yesterday, frantic after a trip to Home Depot, where a driver in an Escalade nearly ran her and Pearl off the road.

“He came out of nowhere and was just determined to take my lane,” the mother said. She was able to brake and swerve to avoid being sent into a ditch. It’s funny because JeanMartha over at Renovation Therapy had recently labeled Escalade drivers as an aggressive lot. I’m thinking there might be some truth to it!

But this is nothing compared to the mother’s adventure with Pearl last week.

When I got home from work Friday night, burning hot (non-A/C bus) and exhausted, the mother casually says, “I had a little experience today.” The mother tends toward the overly dramatic so it was only pure luck that I was still listening when she said: “Someone tried to jack me at the carwash.”

Jack you? What?!

The mother is the queen of change, as in coins. Always has been. Many times, she will hoard said change in a Ziploc bag, a bag she takes with her to the carwash. (I recently had to yell at her for leaving said bag exposed in the back seat of Ladybird. Good way to get a window busted out.)

Turns out, she was exiting Pearl inside a carwash bay, bag in hand, when a guy 25-30 approaches her and demands her money, all the while pushing her closer to Pearl. The mother said she hesitated for a second before dragging the bag behind her and then whirling around with it where SHE SMASHED HIM IN THE FACE WITH IT! She says she bloodied his mouth. (Think Charles Bronson with his sock of quarters in Death Wish.)

The guy fell down and the mother began screaming “Call the police!” Luckily, people exited the adjacent Laundromat and a guy who had just pulled in a few bays down all came and did just that. The would-be thief ran away. As far as we know, he was not caught.

“I really didn’t want to give him my money,” the mother said. “And I sure as hell wasn’t giving him that car.” I was a mix of horrified and amused by this. I couldn’t help but laugh at this though:

“He said he wanted my money, so I gave it to him.”

Apparently, the mother and Pearl are quite the dangerous combination. What am I going to do with those two?! In any case, the mother has promised to not go back to that carwash.


Gene said...

Oh my! I'm glad she's OK, and hope the thief will rethink his choice of occupations.

Anonymous said...

Boy, the mother is some spunky woman! Thank goodness this guy wasn't some psycho!

I'm glad she's okay and showed that creep a thing or two!

Karen Anne said...

Whew, Moms, how to take years off their kids' lives.

How many quarters does your Mom carry around? I just went and hefted my saucer of car wash quarters and I don't think it would inflict much damage, let alone knock a creep down. A whole sockful of quarters, that I can see :-)

MonkeyGirl said...

This still makes me laugh! Her seemingly nonchalant recount of the event is such a contrast to the 'you girls are going to get hurt' lectures when we leave the house. I am so glad that she is ok and had the moxie and quick thinking to sock him in the face with the change.

Vicki said...

Oh yeah! The mother is awesome! What a great, quick reaction. I admire her.

Jayne said...

Bwah ha ha ha ha!!! That's hilarious! And scary. But mostly hilarious.

plumbelieve said...

I guess all her worrying about someone hiding under her car or forcing themselves upon us comes from experience. She knows how to handle it but I am happy that he did not have a weapon on him. Then the situation would not be so casual. She is pretty tough...all five feet of her.

Ty'sMommy said...

Woo-hoo! Three cheers for the mother! Im proud of her. Way to take charge!!!

NV said...

All -- I think Jayne's combo of scary and hilarious summed it up best. I was horrified when I heard this, though I could barely stifle a life at her Charles Bronson antics.

She shows that we don't HAVE to take the crap of creeps who'd rather prey on others than make an honest day's pay. At the same time, I wouldn't recommend her actions. Her guardian angel was definitely working overtime. :-)

Renovation Therapy said...

OMG!!! I'm glad your Mom is ok. Please tell her to be careful, they guy could have been on drugs and there's no telling what he could have done.

Yikes! Glad she and Pearl are ok!

Anonymous said...