Monday, June 15, 2009

This Just In

In the little time I did sit still yesterday, leave it to one of my nearest and dearest crowd to send a fabulous laugh my way. CD, she who did much hauling and digging on the brick porch/walkway project last year, shared these little gems. I have to say, now she appears to be gunnin’ for my day job!

Press Release off the AP Wire
In an effort to accommodate one of Lowe's leading customers, the company announced today they would be opening a new Illinois location. Lowe's representatives were optimistic this new location would be one of the most profitable stores in the country for third quarter earnings. "Making this decision was in the best interest for us even in this downtrending economy. We are opening this location to accommodate our leading customer in Madison County. By providing a location closer to NV’s home, she will have the ability to complete projects without the commute to Edwardsville. Her countless hours of blogging have inspired millions to DIY".

In similar news......... Home Depot Cries Foul!
Home Depot has announced plans to hire a scouting Firm in an effort to locate property for a new store. A company spokesperson accused Lowe's of trying to not only steal one of their best customers, but also monopolizing her by putting a store close to her home. "NV is a valued customer at 10 Whistle Stop Drive in Edwardsville, Illinois. Lowe's blatant attempts to keep her in her hometown are unfair". At risk are Home Depot's third and fourth quarter earnings as NV is a leading contributor to their profits. Home Depot is said to be looking for property on XXXXX Road so NV would have the ability to walk to the new store. Although not confirmed, it is rumored Home Depot is courting 54th Street Grill as a parcel for their parking lot. 54th Street is NV's favorite restaurant and they feel it would be a win-win for them to partner with the company and provide her with no reason to leave home again.

And, if Shangri-La were to open a satellite location in town, who knows, I might not have a reason to venture too far from home again! (Of course, Pearl would be devastated.)

You can NEVER say that my friends aren't creative -- or great for a laugh. Thanks, CD! Sister Blanche would be proud ...

6 comments:

MonkeyGirl said...

Sr. Blanche would have written a well deserved note on that paper! CD is cracking me up!!

plumbelieve said...

Found on the back page...As the two superchains vie over NV's affections, security companies are jumping through hoops to win the lucrative protection contract as the new location could pose threats to patrons. Topping the list for lead officers is the Mother. Private investigators heard about the heroic efforts to thwart thugs in a nearby carwash. Naturally, some major schmoozing will be in order to lure her away from the remote control wars she wages with one NV. However, the competing security companies feel confident that a lifetime supply of Americana memorabilia and a new sun porch will be enough to get her to accept the position. It goes without saying that a bag of change will be standard issue with all uniformed officers.

More information will follow as details emerge.

cd said...

If for any reason Sr. Blanche happens to be reading this, I still write in my journal every day.

plumbelieve said...

We can tell and it shows. See you always knew it was such rewarding experience.

NV said...

OK -- you guys have to stop because I just had a coughing fit! Thanks for all the laughs. It's been a tough couple of weeks, and it won't be getting any easier, so your sense of timing -- as always -- is AWESOME!

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