Stock of Stupid Pills Jeopardized

There must be a marked shortage of stupid pills in the universe today. That’s because I think the vast majority of the supply has surely already been consumed.

I offer up these exercises in asinine from today’s headlines to back my theory.

Iran's Leader Sparks Western Walkout at UN Meeting – Um, maybe I missed something but why was this total nut job allowed to speak at a conference on, of all things, diversity? This megalomaniac, who denies that the Holocaust ever happened, wants to “wipe out” Israel, (and the Western World too, if the truth is told). Here. Deny this. And he’s a headline speaker on diversity, why again?

Almost 1 in 10 Young Video Game Users 'Addicted' – WHERE are the parents? Do you know how many pieces a video game in my house would have been in when I was growing up if it had “interfered with school performance, disrupted interaction with family and friends and posed health problems?” Too many to count, that’s how many! And childhood obesity … should that be a surprise when the only thing that these kids are “working out” are their eyes and their thumbs?! Get on your bike. Play outside. MOVE around!

Man Pretending to Fall Off Bridge Actually Falls – I guess you can chalk this one up to inebriation, plain and simple. But still, this takes dumb*ss drunk antics to a whole nother level.

Dog-fighting videos at heart of Supreme Court case – Can’t get to an illegal dogfight in your neighborhood? Well, just get the video instead! WHAT?! Explain to me how the act itself is illegal but selling tapes of it isn’t. This doesn’t have a d*mn thing to do with freedom of speech. It has to do with some sick bastards cashing in on animal cruelty (which is illegal). And videos of a woman in spiked heels crushing small animals? How sick do you have to be to enjoy that?

British singing sensation Susan Boyle offered $1 million to star in porn flick – Sick? Twisted? No. Those adjectives don’t begin to go far enough. Sorry. I’m out of words on this one. Speechless.