I had to laugh when I came across this news item earlier regarding Wall Street bonuses. In part, I found it humorous because of the need to try and justify some of the outrageous salaries some of these people make to begin with. Except for the ones who are crooks, I don't begrudge them what they make. Just don't try and convince me you really are worth all that, 'kay?
Regardless of how you try to explain it, a bonus that is easily 10 times your salary is more like the lottery than a bonus. You see, in middle-class America, a bonus is a percentage of your salary – not the other way around. So the gist of the article is, “All you folks who don’t have six-figure incomes just DO NOT get our seven-figure bonuses – so let’s explain it to you so you can see how we are so worth all of it.”
The other reason I laughed is because I got a weird email this morning. It was prompted by my casual mention of a bonus in my evening post yesterday – and a mention that shed doubt on whether I’ll actually get one this year or not. For some reason, this dear disgruntled reader has confused me with a Wall Street type.
The email said: “Do you work in a bank? If you do, you are a sleezeball who doesn’t need one anyway. Now that they are getting taxpayer money, can they not afford to give you a bonus because it would look bad? I hope you were listening to what the president said. He hates you.”
Hmm. Well. OK, nutjob. Since you didn’t have the guts to send email from an account that doesn’t reject my replies, let’s clear some things up. First, I do not work in a bank. And second, even if I did, that doesn’t make me someone who is/has been/ or will benefit from TARP money.
Third, the bonus I mentioned usually represents a small percentage of my annual salary. I assure you, it is statistically impossible for that to amount to a seven-figure –even a five- or a six-figure— bonus. And, if you’ve been reading, you know I qualified for last year’s stimulus check. (It helped pay for the nice new fence Lawrence and I put in back in July.)
Guess what? I’ll qualify for one this year, too, if it’s approved. Do the math, nimrod. Besides, why the hell would I live in a tiny, 2BR, one bath home if a single bonus could more than afford me something three times larger? And why would I take on all of these massive, insane projects in an effort to save a few bucks to fund the next thing? You know, like ripping out a sidewalk. In 100-degree heat. With a sledgehammer. Dolt.
Oh yeah. And, the President really, really hates me. Pardon me while I laugh some more.