The Three Hs

There are three words to describe how hot it was here yesterday:

1. Hot
2. Humid
3. Hell itself.

I think No. 3 would be my pick. Although I keep hearing folks refer to the "hubs of Hell" including Jayne and Ty'smommy. And speaking of Jayne, while I haven't quite finished the walkway, decided on the cupola or solved world peace yet, I did get my yard mowed last night. (She gives me way too much credit. I admit that I really am a mere mortal.) Yes, that's right, and a mere mortal who is completely out of my mind. I didn't think so at the time though.

It was almost 6:30 p.m. Nearly 75 percent of the yard was in shade. Mowing would be a piece of cake. NOT! (My first clue should have been that I broke a sweat standing, just standing, an hour before.)

It was miserable. Not completely airless, though I'd hardly call someone waving a blow dryer on low in your face much relief. It took forever. While some of the yard had dried, much of it was still damp and even with the blade raised, it clogged the mower repeatedly. I mowed part of it without the bag (still clogging), then with the bag (clog, clog) twice.

Some of it was fine in a single pass without the bagger. Go figure. My neighbor was mowing, too, on his rider, and cut the half-lot. He left a nasty mess on the sidewalk and in the driveway. I got up what I could without obsessing over it. The mother appeared before I could dwell on it and started sweeping it all up.

By the time I got in the house, my shirt was completely soaked. I don't think there was a dry inch on it. My shorts were completely wet in front and all around the waist band. I was tempted to wring them out to see how much of the sink it would fill, but didn't. Instead, I made a bee-line for the shower. Warning: When I'm that grubby and disgusting, don't stand between me and the shower -- I will knock you down.

The upside: People can point at all the crap under my carport still. Or at the heavy-gauge plastic spread across what used to be my walkway. They won't be pointing at calf-high weeds anymore.

So today, I'm wrung out. Just zapped. And I've got lots to do and just a few days to do it in. (Managed to successfully get Friday as a vacation day so Lawrence can come and finish the fence.) I need caffeine. LOTS of caffeine.

Send me good vibes, please. I need them!