With all apologies to Clement Clarke Moore …
‘Twas the night before Christmas and at This D*mn House
NV was trying oh so hard not to grouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In the hopes that Toby wouldn’t strip them both bare.
The furkids were nestled all snug on the couch
As the mother vacuumed the floor – oh yes, she’s no slouch!
I joined them soon, making room with a tap,
Settling into the sofa for a brief winter’s nap.
When on the front lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sofa to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon’s first quarter cast an interesting glow
Upon the neighborhood’s latest holiday freak show.
There, right before my disbelieving eyes did appear,
Lawnmower Man in full Santa Claus gear.
The little old driver, so pokey and slow
Must have decided my yard needed a mow.
He made one pass across, then two and then three,
Before catching in the window a glimpse of unhappy me.
He shrugged his shoulders and then raised the blade’s bar,
“On my way to the tavern – it’s safer than a car.”
And I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"