The Turkey Strategy

It can’t be because I have too much time on my hands because I don’t. That means I must just over think even the most mundane things. (Yep. One of the many charming features of my warped personality.)

The latter could apply to my strategy for buying the holiday turkey.

A local grocery store regularly offers $10 off a $50 purchase on Thursdays. (Sometimes they do it once a month; lately, it’s been every week.) To go one better, through the holidays they’re offering what they call “bonus bucks,” which give you a $1 back for every $25 you spend. And to even go one better, you get turkeys at a special sale price when you spend $50. (For me, that means Honeysuckle White for 79 cents a pound. Or less, because they won’t be undersold by their competitors and that’s the current going rate. Mmmmmm. Turkey.)

To say that the grocery store will be bedlam this Thursday would be a lot like saying that Charles Manson had a bad day.

Normally, I go straight to the store from the evening bus, having driven to the bus station that morning. The last few weeks, I’ve even dragged S from the bus along with me. This week though I may have to change that. From past years, I know what it’s like when they run these promotions before Thanksgiving. People go nuts. They line up four-deep around the freezers and they literally pounce on turkeys as soon as there’s a bare spot in the crowd.

I’ve stood aghast watching grown men and women tussle in turkey tug-o-wars. It’s not a pretty sight.

I don’t care to subject myself to that experience this year so I’m rethinking my shopping strategy. It’s a 24-hour store. There are 24 hours in Thursday. There’s no rule that says I have to go during the evening rush. I’m thinking either I go just before midnight tonight, checking out after 12, or I get up at 4:30 or so tomorrow, giving myself an hour to get to the store and back before leaving for work. Knowing that I am not a morning person sort of makes the decision for me.

So be warned Tom Turkey. I’m comin’ for ya. Tonight.